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For many individuals, the emotional attachment to their baby begins early in pregnancy. Whilst this attachment is normal it can intensify feelings of loss after a miscarriage which can trigger a sense of guilt, confusion, and a profound sense of grief. With 1 in 8 pregnancies estimated to end in miscarriage, it is fundamental for this to be more openly discussed so people feel less isolated. While the pain may never fully dissipate, it is possible to navigate through the darkness.
Whilst a lot of women blame themselves, the reality is that nothing could have been done to prevent the loss of the pregnancy. An overwhelming number of women still believe that stress or lifting heavy objects can cause miscarriage, which is incorrect. Knowing the facts about miscarriage can help to dispel myths but does not take away from the loss and fear of future pregnancies. Often women who have miscarried and had stillbirths struggle to attach to the next pregnancy as a way of protecting themselves from potential grief again.
If you have experienced pregnancy loss or would like to support someone through it, please book a 1-1 consultation with one of our experts at myTamarin who can support you during this devastating time.
What can you do to help yourself cope with pregnancy loss?
The journey of healing after pregnancy loss is unique to each individual and couple. It's important to acknowledge and honour emotions that arise during this process. Feelings of grief, anger, sadness, and guilt are all common to experience.
Things you can do include:
- Consider reaching out to a counsellor (to learn some coping techniques and talking through your grief)
- Speak to an expert in a 1-1 session or join a miscarriage support group through myTamarin
- Continue to practise self-care techniques (spending time in nature, exercising, doing things to help you reconnect)
- Take the time that you need to recover - don't put time pressure on yourself - grief comes in waves
- Remember that most women can conceive again successfully and don't put pressure on yourself to get pregnant again until you feel ready
How to help yourself heal through pregnancy loss
Acknowledge the pregnancy existed - often most people do not disclose their pregnancy until after 12 weeks. Meaning that if there is a loss of pregnancy before then loved ones do not know. Therefore, recognising that the pregnancy existed for both themselves and loved ones can help with the grieving process. Another thing to remember is that another pregnancy will not erase the painful feelings of your loss.
As a couple, what can you do to cope after pregnancy loss?
Couples can often be in two different places emotionally. As they grieve differently this can make communicating each other’s needs difficult. Understanding these differences and finding ways to support each other can be crucial for couples navigating life after pregnancy loss.
Things you can do as a couple include:
- Reaffirm that the loss is no one’s fault
- Talk and listen and process together
- Help to think of ways to share the news with loved ones
- Know that there is no urgency to conceive again until you both feel ready
What can Friends and Relatives do to Support?
Friends and family can play a big role in supporting individuals and couples who have experienced pregnancy loss.
Be sensitive with pregnancy announcements - recognising that other pregnancy announcements from people they know could be very upsetting. You shouldn't feel guilty about sharing happy news, but be aware of their feelings.
Acknowledge their loss - You may worry that you don’t know what to say or think that it’s best not to say anything. However, acknowledging someone’s loss can make a difference even in a small way. Just let them know that you’re sorry for what has happened and are always there for them if needed.
Check-in regularly - don't be afraid to check in and ask how they are doing - if they don't want to message they won't, but checking in could be just what they needed. Especially if the person has struggled with mental health challenges in the past now is an important time to make sure you are checking in.
Be a listening ear - Sometimes people aren’t looking for advice about what they can do but just need someone to listen to how they are feeling. Try to give them space to say everything they want to.
Life after pregnancy loss is a journey that encompasses a range of emotions and experiences. While the pain of the loss may never completely disappear, individuals and couples can find healing and hope in various ways. It's important to remember you are not alone, and to book in a 1-1 consultation with a myTamarin pregnancy loss expert.
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